Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
