we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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