Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize