I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
