Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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