hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
