I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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