it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
