im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
