dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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