Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
