It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
