I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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