When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
