We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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