Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
