My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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