he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
