6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
