yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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