I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
