Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
