Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
