I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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