My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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