Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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