Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
