Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
