And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there was a trapeze. enough said
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
