If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
