He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were destined to go to rehab together
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
