Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
