I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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