You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize