You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
