Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
