I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
