he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize