He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
