Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
