I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
