and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
