I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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