she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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