I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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