Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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