I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
