Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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