I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
