I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
