Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
