I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
