We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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