im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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