I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
