so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
