yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
