I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize