remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
