I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
