my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
