there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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