Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
