Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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