I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
