Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
