I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize