he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
