UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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