I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
