I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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