I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
