Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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