Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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