Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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