shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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