I CAN MOONWALK!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
