Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
