I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
