She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
