i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize