I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
