So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
