A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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