hell yes lets make some ravioli
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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