You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
