Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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