The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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