After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
