saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
