pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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