I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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