I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
