i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
