he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
