is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
