He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
